can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize