I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize