i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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