Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
