My Higher Power is John Stamos
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
