i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
