some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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