oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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