Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
