we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
