i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
