we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
