I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
