i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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