I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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