"it" just moved
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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