I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
