Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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