jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize