When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
