I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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