if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
