Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
