like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
