She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
