Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
