Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
