i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
