We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize