Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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