Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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