never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
