I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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