I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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