I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
