There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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