put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
