if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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