I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
