this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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