doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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