Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Damn victory sex feels great
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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