hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
