everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize