dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
