Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
