hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
