When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
