I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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