Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
