So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
