accomplished twins. life is a go
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
