yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it glows. i had to have it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
