i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
