Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
