I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
