2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
