He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
