I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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