Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
