omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
