I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my phone needs a breathalizer
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
