i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
