I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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