I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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