do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
