Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
