I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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