I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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