have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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