Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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